Appointment today

So, I had a routine appointment today. Blood pressure was 100/64, so pretty normal. The doctor checked for a heartbeat, but couldn't find it. I wasn't worried at all, oddly enough. Normally that would have me freaked out, but the thought that something could be wrong couldn't have been further from my mind. I was just excited that I got an ultrasound to find a heartbeat. lol Sure enough, there was the baby, and there was his/her heart just beating away! Unfortunately, the ultrasound at the doctor's office isn't a very good one. He just uses it to find a heartbeat and to see if the baby is head down at the end of the pregnancy if he thinks the baby is breach. So, all he could tell me was, "Yep, there's the baby. Yep, there's the heart beating! Baby is laying sideways and facing towards my back, so we couldn't get any good pictures. We got one that has a faint outline of the baby and a dark spot where the heart was beating. I don't have my scanner hooked up, so you don't get to see it though. There really isn't much to see anyways. lol

In three weeks I go for my ultrasound and in four weeks I have another doctor's appointment :)

Oh, and I gained seven pounds in the past four weeks. ICK!

Not much to update

I've been feeling the baby kick regularly lately, which is tons of fun! Drake can even feel him/her from the outside, which he loves. The kids haven't been able to feel the baby kick yet, but I'm sure they will soon enough. (Which isn't soon enough, according to them. lol) I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. It's just a routine, "How are you feeling, let's listen to the heartbeat, wow you're fat," kind of appointment. Okay, he doesn't actually say the last part, but it's how I feel when they make me step on that scale. lol

I have an ultrasound scheduled for the sixteenth of March. I'm really excited to "see" the baby and find out if I can start saying "him" or "her" instead of him/her. lol It's also payday, which means I get to go shopping on the way home from the appointment while Drake is still at home with the kids. Shhhhhh...don't tell him that though! I'll probably just get a "I love my daddy" shirt in pink or blue so I can tell Drake that way what the gender is. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm sure I'll bring home a lot more than that. lol

I've been feeling fine, but eating VERY poorly. I really need to get a handle on that. I feel sick as I shovel so much fast food into my face, but it tastes SOOOOOOO good. BAD Katie! I need to get back on my elliptical.

I've been SO exhausted lately. I think I've just been staying up too late. I get my macchiato in the morning, which keeps me alive for the short amount of time that I need to get things done (get the kids off to school, Drake off to work, etc.) but then I just crash and feel terrible because the boys are stuck playing Wii all day (which they LOVE, but I hate that they have to entertain themselves) and Sera just wanders aimlessly around the house tearing things apart, and I just don't have the energy to clean up after her, so the house is a catastrophe! I'm sure exercising, eating better and getting to bed earlier will help with it, I just need to find the energy to actually do it...it's quite the catch 22.

Anyways, other than that, nothing much new. If there is anything to update after my appointment on Friday, I'll let you know! :)

So many emotions

I have been an emotional wreck lately. I've had these immense highs and these really, really low lows. Goodness, I hate this part of being pregnant! Every emotion I experience seems ten times worse or better than it actually is. I find myself snapping at the kids for the tiniest things. I find myself getting on Drake's case about stupid things that wouldn't normally bother me. I find myself taking offense to things that are obviously not meant to offend. I get upset when Drake says something that I would normally laugh off because I TOTALLY know he's joking. It's driving me CRAZY! I hate being a hormonal, emotional mess. lol I'm freaking crazy when I'm pregnant and I can't help it! I TRY not to do it, but I fail miserably. lol

Today, I was reading the blog of a woman who just lost her baby. :( She was 41 weeks pregnant, went in for her non stress test, and they couldn't find the heartbeat. I cannot even begin to imagine the anguish she must have gone through to find out this baby that she so desperately wanted and loved was gone. I think that losing a child is every parent's biggest nightmare. I can't imagine going through an entire pregnancy, planning, hoping, wondering, loving, only to be told that you will never hold your child alive. My heart is absolutely breaking for her.

I am so very grateful to have been blessed with five amazing, healthy children. There are times that I feel like the odds are against me...like the more children I have, the more of a chance something terrible will happen. I know this is awful thinking. They say that one in four babies are miscarried. I'm on my eighth pregnancy and have suffered two miscarriages. Statistically, I'm right on track. (Which, in my pregnancy addled mind, is a bit reassuring for this baby lol) I heard last night on television that 1 in 8 pregnancies start off as twins, but only 1/10 of those finish the pregnancy as twins and that most people don't even know they were pregnant with twins because one of the babies dies before they even know they're pregnant. So, statistically, one of my pregnancies had a very good chance of starting off as twins. I don't know the statistics for still birth, but I feel as though I'm tempting fate with each additional baby that I have. When I had my second miscarriage, my mom told me that she had been very blessed and had never gone through what I was going through. She had five biological children. Statistically, at least one of them should have been miscarried. (What a terrible thought, I know!) Sadly, my first thought was, "Someone had to make up for that to keep the statistics right," and I prayed right then that I wasn't that person and that I wouldn't suffer another miscarriage because I didn't think I could emotionally handle it. My heart aches for women who suffer loss after loss after loss. They are much stronger than I am. I think I would just give up and make sure I never got pregnant again.

Anyways, this is all very depressing. I'm happy to be pregnant. I'm so ridiculously in love with this child already. I'm going to have a happy, healthy pregnancy and a beautiful, healthy baby come early July. I cannot wait!