So many emotions

I have been an emotional wreck lately. I've had these immense highs and these really, really low lows. Goodness, I hate this part of being pregnant! Every emotion I experience seems ten times worse or better than it actually is. I find myself snapping at the kids for the tiniest things. I find myself getting on Drake's case about stupid things that wouldn't normally bother me. I find myself taking offense to things that are obviously not meant to offend. I get upset when Drake says something that I would normally laugh off because I TOTALLY know he's joking. It's driving me CRAZY! I hate being a hormonal, emotional mess. lol I'm freaking crazy when I'm pregnant and I can't help it! I TRY not to do it, but I fail miserably. lol

Today, I was reading the blog of a woman who just lost her baby. :( She was 41 weeks pregnant, went in for her non stress test, and they couldn't find the heartbeat. I cannot even begin to imagine the anguish she must have gone through to find out this baby that she so desperately wanted and loved was gone. I think that losing a child is every parent's biggest nightmare. I can't imagine going through an entire pregnancy, planning, hoping, wondering, loving, only to be told that you will never hold your child alive. My heart is absolutely breaking for her.

I am so very grateful to have been blessed with five amazing, healthy children. There are times that I feel like the odds are against me...like the more children I have, the more of a chance something terrible will happen. I know this is awful thinking. They say that one in four babies are miscarried. I'm on my eighth pregnancy and have suffered two miscarriages. Statistically, I'm right on track. (Which, in my pregnancy addled mind, is a bit reassuring for this baby lol) I heard last night on television that 1 in 8 pregnancies start off as twins, but only 1/10 of those finish the pregnancy as twins and that most people don't even know they were pregnant with twins because one of the babies dies before they even know they're pregnant. So, statistically, one of my pregnancies had a very good chance of starting off as twins. I don't know the statistics for still birth, but I feel as though I'm tempting fate with each additional baby that I have. When I had my second miscarriage, my mom told me that she had been very blessed and had never gone through what I was going through. She had five biological children. Statistically, at least one of them should have been miscarried. (What a terrible thought, I know!) Sadly, my first thought was, "Someone had to make up for that to keep the statistics right," and I prayed right then that I wasn't that person and that I wouldn't suffer another miscarriage because I didn't think I could emotionally handle it. My heart aches for women who suffer loss after loss after loss. They are much stronger than I am. I think I would just give up and make sure I never got pregnant again.

Anyways, this is all very depressing. I'm happy to be pregnant. I'm so ridiculously in love with this child already. I'm going to have a happy, healthy pregnancy and a beautiful, healthy baby come early July. I cannot wait!