Appointment today

So, I had a routine appointment today. Blood pressure was 100/64, so pretty normal. The doctor checked for a heartbeat, but couldn't find it. I wasn't worried at all, oddly enough. Normally that would have me freaked out, but the thought that something could be wrong couldn't have been further from my mind. I was just excited that I got an ultrasound to find a heartbeat. lol Sure enough, there was the baby, and there was his/her heart just beating away! Unfortunately, the ultrasound at the doctor's office isn't a very good one. He just uses it to find a heartbeat and to see if the baby is head down at the end of the pregnancy if he thinks the baby is breach. So, all he could tell me was, "Yep, there's the baby. Yep, there's the heart beating! Baby is laying sideways and facing towards my back, so we couldn't get any good pictures. We got one that has a faint outline of the baby and a dark spot where the heart was beating. I don't have my scanner hooked up, so you don't get to see it though. There really isn't much to see anyways. lol

In three weeks I go for my ultrasound and in four weeks I have another doctor's appointment :)

Oh, and I gained seven pounds in the past four weeks. ICK!

Not much to update

I've been feeling the baby kick regularly lately, which is tons of fun! Drake can even feel him/her from the outside, which he loves. The kids haven't been able to feel the baby kick yet, but I'm sure they will soon enough. (Which isn't soon enough, according to them. lol) I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. It's just a routine, "How are you feeling, let's listen to the heartbeat, wow you're fat," kind of appointment. Okay, he doesn't actually say the last part, but it's how I feel when they make me step on that scale. lol

I have an ultrasound scheduled for the sixteenth of March. I'm really excited to "see" the baby and find out if I can start saying "him" or "her" instead of him/her. lol It's also payday, which means I get to go shopping on the way home from the appointment while Drake is still at home with the kids. Shhhhhh...don't tell him that though! I'll probably just get a "I love my daddy" shirt in pink or blue so I can tell Drake that way what the gender is. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm sure I'll bring home a lot more than that. lol

I've been feeling fine, but eating VERY poorly. I really need to get a handle on that. I feel sick as I shovel so much fast food into my face, but it tastes SOOOOOOO good. BAD Katie! I need to get back on my elliptical.

I've been SO exhausted lately. I think I've just been staying up too late. I get my macchiato in the morning, which keeps me alive for the short amount of time that I need to get things done (get the kids off to school, Drake off to work, etc.) but then I just crash and feel terrible because the boys are stuck playing Wii all day (which they LOVE, but I hate that they have to entertain themselves) and Sera just wanders aimlessly around the house tearing things apart, and I just don't have the energy to clean up after her, so the house is a catastrophe! I'm sure exercising, eating better and getting to bed earlier will help with it, I just need to find the energy to actually do it...it's quite the catch 22.

Anyways, other than that, nothing much new. If there is anything to update after my appointment on Friday, I'll let you know! :)

So many emotions

I have been an emotional wreck lately. I've had these immense highs and these really, really low lows. Goodness, I hate this part of being pregnant! Every emotion I experience seems ten times worse or better than it actually is. I find myself snapping at the kids for the tiniest things. I find myself getting on Drake's case about stupid things that wouldn't normally bother me. I find myself taking offense to things that are obviously not meant to offend. I get upset when Drake says something that I would normally laugh off because I TOTALLY know he's joking. It's driving me CRAZY! I hate being a hormonal, emotional mess. lol I'm freaking crazy when I'm pregnant and I can't help it! I TRY not to do it, but I fail miserably. lol

Today, I was reading the blog of a woman who just lost her baby. :( She was 41 weeks pregnant, went in for her non stress test, and they couldn't find the heartbeat. I cannot even begin to imagine the anguish she must have gone through to find out this baby that she so desperately wanted and loved was gone. I think that losing a child is every parent's biggest nightmare. I can't imagine going through an entire pregnancy, planning, hoping, wondering, loving, only to be told that you will never hold your child alive. My heart is absolutely breaking for her.

I am so very grateful to have been blessed with five amazing, healthy children. There are times that I feel like the odds are against me...like the more children I have, the more of a chance something terrible will happen. I know this is awful thinking. They say that one in four babies are miscarried. I'm on my eighth pregnancy and have suffered two miscarriages. Statistically, I'm right on track. (Which, in my pregnancy addled mind, is a bit reassuring for this baby lol) I heard last night on television that 1 in 8 pregnancies start off as twins, but only 1/10 of those finish the pregnancy as twins and that most people don't even know they were pregnant with twins because one of the babies dies before they even know they're pregnant. So, statistically, one of my pregnancies had a very good chance of starting off as twins. I don't know the statistics for still birth, but I feel as though I'm tempting fate with each additional baby that I have. When I had my second miscarriage, my mom told me that she had been very blessed and had never gone through what I was going through. She had five biological children. Statistically, at least one of them should have been miscarried. (What a terrible thought, I know!) Sadly, my first thought was, "Someone had to make up for that to keep the statistics right," and I prayed right then that I wasn't that person and that I wouldn't suffer another miscarriage because I didn't think I could emotionally handle it. My heart aches for women who suffer loss after loss after loss. They are much stronger than I am. I think I would just give up and make sure I never got pregnant again.

Anyways, this is all very depressing. I'm happy to be pregnant. I'm so ridiculously in love with this child already. I'm going to have a happy, healthy pregnancy and a beautiful, healthy baby come early July. I cannot wait!

Doctor's appointment

I had a doctor's appointment on Friday. She checked the size of my uterus and seemed a little concerned. She said that my uterus was the size she would expect from someone who was about 12-14 weeks along...not the 17 weeks that I was. Unfortunately, the ultrasound machine for the office was broken and I can't get an appointment with the radiology appointment for another four weeks. So, it's a sit and wait to see how big the baby is and if there is anything to be concerned about. After she measured my uterus, she looked for the heartbeat. It seriously took FIFTEEN MINUTES!!! Oh my gosh, talk about a VERY LONG fifteen minutes. After being told I was measuring at least three weeks behind, she couldn't find a heartbeat?!?!?! Yes, it was quite nervewracking. Thankfully, she did eventually find it and it was nice, strong and steady, so that relieved my fears a bit. I don't have another appointment for four weeks and right around that time I should also be having my ultrasound. Cross your fingers for me!

I've been feeling okay lately. I'm really exhausted, but doing well. I find there are times that I just forget to eat and boy does my body let me know it! I get horrible headaches and just feel like crap and it's usually right around then that I think, "Oh yeah...I haven't eaten yet today!" Duh, Katie! So, at least I'm eating well. lol

I think I'm feeling the baby kick, but it's still very faint. I can't wait for that first, undeniable hard kick. That's always fun! The kids can't wait until they can feel the baby move from the outside. They keep asking when that will happen. Patience grasshoppers...patience!

Emma has decided that she wants to be there when the baby is born. None of the other kids do though. So, as long as she continues wanting to be there, I think she's going to be there for the whole thing. She's very excited about being the kid who gets to hold and kiss the baby first. I think we're going to let her cut the cord as well.

Random Ramblings

So, my whole family knows about the pregnancy now. Drake is going to tell his family within the next day or so. We were going to wait longer to tell them (because they tend to be rather negative about me being pregnant so often) but we're going to see Drake's mom this weekend and I'm noticably pregnant, so we figured we should tell her rather than let her figure it out on her own. lol

My friend, Kelly, had her baby yesterday! (Congrats again, Kelly!) Her birth reminded me that I really need to brush up on how to deliver a baby. Her labor and delivery were all of an hour long. I was in the hospital less than five minutes when I gave birth to Ethan (his labor and delivery were a total of two hours). I actually left the house much earlier than I would have normally because I had to drive myself to the hospital and I didn't want to be in intense labor when I was driving. Had I waited any longer I would have either given birth in the car or at home. Luckily, Kelly was planning a home birth anyways, so she was prepared for that, but she did give birth before the midwife even got there. I know that this is a very real possibility for me. The hospital is about twenty minutes away and if I hit morning traffic, it would be completely pointless for me to even try to make it to the hospital. (Of course, this is assuming I'm still living down here in San Diego, which I don't plan on anyways) So, an unassisted homebirth (or heaven forbid, an unassisted CAR birth) could very well be a possibility for me. I guess I should brush up on that stuff again. Luckily, I still have a while. I'm about fifteen weeks now. I still have a LONG 25 weeks to go!

I was going to wait

So, the plan was to wait until I was up at my mom's house to announce the pregnancy to my family. However, I'm impatient. lol So, I was on the phone with my mom the other day and said, "So, I have some news," to which she replied, "You're pregnant again?" I said yes. She said, "So, what's the news?" LOL Yeah, okay, so me being pregnant again isn't a huge surprise to anyone and is fairly commonplace. lol She's happy for me and said, "All the more reason to get out of that crackerjack place of yours!" I completely agree. We're just completely outgrowing our home. Definitely time to move up and out. We need four bedrooms. Three works for us now, but with the new baby, we're really going to need that fourth bedroom. Personally, I'd like five, but I'll settle for four.

We found some homes that are being built up in Lincoln (about seven miles from where my mom lives) that seem like they would fit our family perfectly. They're a little over 2,000 sq ft, four bedrooms, all upstairs (which is what I insist on...none of my small children will be staying in a downstairs bedroom while I sleep upstairs) and they're seemingly in our price range. So, we're hoping to go look at those while we're up there for Christmas. Granted, this is all contingent on Drake finding work up there.

Drake has really started coming around when it comes to the baby. He was rather upset when he first found out I was pregnant, but the other day he actually told me, "You know, I'm okay with having another baby. I never thought I would be, but I really am. In fact, I'm even a bit excited about it." This is such a huge deal for him. He's NEVER been excited about a baby. He's NEVER been okay with having another baby. Many of my pregnancies have been very unhappy times because Drake has been so negative about having another child. For him to actually be excited about another baby is HUGE. I'm so absolutely beyond thrilled about this. I think he keeps thinking about how much joy Sera brought to our lives. We were in a really bad point in our lives when Sera was born and she brought such unbelievable happiness to our family. Usually, a baby would just add to the stress and unhappiness in an already unhappy life. Sera brought exactly the opposite. She brought Drake out of a very unhappy state and continues to be the shining star in his life. I think that Sera has helped Drake realize that babies are actually good things and add so much to our family. This, of course, isn't stopping him from making sure we don't have anymore though. LOL

9 weeks, 6 days

I'll be ten weeks along tomorrow! So far everything is going smoothly. Morning sickness seems to have subsided...for now. lol I'm too cynical to believe it's gone for good. My belly is definitely growing and I think I'm noticably pregnant now, even if no one else does. lol

I want to start making my newborn stash of cloth diapers, but really feel like it might be a bit too soon. I would hate to put all of that work into the diapers, only to have something horrible happen and not have a baby to put them on. :( However, it's going to take the better part of my pregnancy to make an entire newborn stash, so I really should get started soon. I'm thinking I might start after Christmas because at least then, after 12 weeks, the chance of miscarriage will have dropped to less than five percent. Also, the hustle and bustle of the holiday season will be over.

We're hoping to move over the summer. This means that I'll have all of a month to find a new provider before I'm due to deliver. I'm trying to find a midwife that works at a hospital in the area we're planning on moving to, but so far I'm not having any luck. I've found midwives that do home births, but for purely selfish reasons, I don't want to go that route. I have nothing against home births and actually do believe that they are safer than hospital births, but I like the mini vacation I get when I give birth in a hospital. lol I like having people waiting on me hand and foot instead of the other way around. I like being able to push a little button whenever I want to and have food brought to me. lol I enjoy having a couple of days away from the kids to bond with the new baby. I like having the baby all to myself for a few days. So, it's a hospital birth for me, but goodness, I SO BADLY want a midwife! I HATE having an OB/GYN.